Looking back, many of us can remember our first dates, significant others, etc. And, if this milestone happened in middle school, we can assume it happened as part of a group activity, otherwise known as the group date. Partially due to parental mandate, partially meant to make things more comfortable, the group date allowed for a safe place for hand holding etc. Everyone was happy.
As we got older, the group date tapered off as we fought for our independence from our parents, looking for something more private. We’d search for intimate settings that let us, for lack of a better phrase, get to know each other better. For better or worse, it allowed us to get to know the other person outside of a crowded social situation and, if he/she turned out to be just as fantastic one on one, we could decide to possibly move forward toward something greater. I think it’s safe to say that this is all part of growing up, maturing etc…so why is it that, now more than ever, I’m seeing a reemergence of the group date?
Being non-committal with a girl allows the guy to feel like he is in charge of at least one area of his life, which is more than he can say about anything else he does. The workplace is so oppressive, so this is a place where he can counterbalance that and assert himself. However, looking at it with a lens toward the past, it seems a bit counterintuitive. We used to assert ourselves by becoming more intimate with someone, not shutting them out.
So, that being said, using a group date situation so you don’t have to man up and assert yourself seems like a bit of a cop out, don’t you think?
As we got older, the group date tapered off as we fought for our independence from our parents, looking for something more private. We’d search for intimate settings that let us, for lack of a better phrase, get to know each other better. For better or worse, it allowed us to get to know the other person outside of a crowded social situation and, if he/she turned out to be just as fantastic one on one, we could decide to possibly move forward toward something greater. I think it’s safe to say that this is all part of growing up, maturing etc…so why is it that, now more than ever, I’m seeing a reemergence of the group date?
The scenario seems to play out as follows: Guy meets Girl & they hit it off. Guy invites her to meet up with him and tells her to bring friends (since he clearly can’t part with his own for one night). Guy & friends hang out with Girl & friends. Guy & Girl drunkenly make out/hook up. Repeat(s). Girl talks about dating, Guy panics and that’s not what he’s looking for. Making out/hooking up tapers off. Guy meets another Girl, the cycle continues.
So why, after all of that time and effort dedicated to growing up, are we regressing? The short answer - because it’s easier. The demands of being a responsible adult in Manhattan can be a massive burden and, with the ever-increasing pressure, it’s no surprise that something’s got to give. And the easiest place to let go is within the relational sphere.Being non-committal with a girl allows the guy to feel like he is in charge of at least one area of his life, which is more than he can say about anything else he does. The workplace is so oppressive, so this is a place where he can counterbalance that and assert himself. However, looking at it with a lens toward the past, it seems a bit counterintuitive. We used to assert ourselves by becoming more intimate with someone, not shutting them out.
So, that being said, using a group date situation so you don’t have to man up and assert yourself seems like a bit of a cop out, don’t you think?
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